I think my vagina is haunted
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize