ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
