are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
