My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
