shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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