Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
