all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
