He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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