I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
