I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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