no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
