I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
