That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
