im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
