he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
