i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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