Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
