hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
