How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
