How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
