I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize