Porn is love you can see.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't turn off my feet"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
