Im at strip club and am horny
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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