I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
