Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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