maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
