he puts the penis in happiness.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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