I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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