is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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