We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
