i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
