i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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