You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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