He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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