I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
