I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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