Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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