4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
