OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
