You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
