All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
