oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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