It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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