Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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