Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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