C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
