i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have already put on my inside pants.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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