Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
