Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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