It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
