I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
