jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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