her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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