The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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