batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
