At least make sure they are 18
Why
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
