I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
