that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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