What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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