I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
