I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
