you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
