Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
