Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
