from now on my penis is your penis
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize