Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All the doctor said was why
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
