loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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