Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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