Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you would pick up someone in the library
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
