I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
