there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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