i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
