Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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