its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
