So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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