what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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