I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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