Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize